Finalized Artist Book Concept ( + Bookbinding and Zine Workshop)

Good day, all.

I'm back with a semi-long post in which I will be sharing and explaining the final concept that I have officially developed for the artist book! The reason I put "I think" in brackets is because I am not fully sure. I kinda have been going through it recently and because of it, I've been struggling with keeping up with the course program generally and I somehow managed to completely miss the booking of the tutorials that were held yesterday. Like I remember reading the email but for some reason I didn't book it? Just feels like I've been in a semi-coma these last couple of weeks for "some reason". It's a weird state but hopefully it'll end soon, there's not enough time to feel all existential right now, haha. I have barely started anything and there's just so much that needs to be done should I decide to go with this concept in particular. Hopefully it will be greenlit next Wednesday in the tutorial. Until then, I will probably make updates to this post by including images and all that. 

Before I get into explaining it, I thought I should make a disclaimer saying that some of the things I'll be covering next could come across as insensitive but I would just like to note that this is all based on personal experience but exaggerated just a tad bit for the sake of being effective and unique. My intention is not to portray dermatillomania as something unearthly, all I want to show is what it feels being in the skin of someone with that disorder, or at least how I felt at points. 

Generally I feel like I'll be taking a bit of a risk since as much as I am a fan of horror, I have never really done anything of that sort previously, the closest I've been to doing something in the horror genre was when developing my grad piece for high school (post on that coming at some point) but later decided to switch to a more psychology-orientated theme and adjust it in a way that would be appropriate for the piece itself. This time, I want to try and incorporate horror into the piece and show it from a perspective that it might not have ever been explored in. What's good is that I'm talking from a personal stand point, I have experienced this and therefore have the right to portray it how I wish to without fearing the consequences of misrepresenting the experiences of those who have suffered from dermatillomania as well.

And now, the finalized (sorta) concept itself. Here is a mood board that I have created for it:

References: Dragula Season 2 Episode 1 - Victoria Elizabeth Black's Cenobite (from Hellraiser) inspired look; Possession (2012) - Abizu's chest; Goodnight Mommy (2014) - post-surgery bandages; The Conjuring 2 (2016) - music box of terrors; murder trophies of the Plainsfield Butcher - mask made of actual human skin, utensils with bones for handles, skin fragments and other.

I have decided to make my artist book in the form of a crate/chest in the "fashion" of the trophy boxes of elusive serial killers but instead of having trophies inspired by the experiences of others, I will be showcasing my personal journey with the condition and how I have come far since its initial development in terms of the frequency at which I pick my skin and the self-control I have developed with it - that would be portrayed through the objects I plan to put in this said chest. The concept doubles as a container for the thing which "possessed" me in my earlier years - hinting at the concept of a contained insidious/sinister force. The reason I think the idea of a possession works well here is because many of sufferers of dermatillomania (including myself) say that they usually don't realize they're picking at their skin until a certain point and then having no recollection of doing so, almost as if a force had taken over their brain and made them "do it".

The inside of the chest will have a mirror installed, hinting at the idea that only from the inside (of the box) can you perceive yourself, meaning each individual has their own idea of what they look like, even if they're seen completely different by those on the outside. The mind is known to play tricks on us and fully distort and exaggerate any feature of our body that it has trouble registering. On the outside of the chest, I am thinking of stretching and gluing down latex faces all around. These casts would be smooth with no imperfections - hinting at the concept I mentioned a few sentences ago - the perception from an outside perspective. The items inside of the chest would signify memories of past stages of the disorder, hinting at the idea of this sticking with those who have experienced it and those insecurities and bad memories still lingering at the back of their minds.

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UPDATE (01/03/2021) - Spent a big portion of last night working on the box itself, the inside of it to be more exact. Still needs perking and editing but with some extra touches it could look really good.

I started by painting the entire box a darker shade of brown which I made using brown, purple, red, chestnut brown, magenta and a bit of black to make it darker. Then I tried painting some "gore" on the very bottom of the box, but after realizing it looked wonky, I decided to mix up a fleshy looking latex colour. I was uncertain where it would work or not, but ended up taking the risk and pouring it into the box without much thought. It was a messy process and took a whole while to work around but in my eyes, it turned out great. I'm rather fond of how it turned out considering it was a major risk. It really paid off. Now all I need to do is apply extra layers on both ends as well as the sides of the inside of the box, finish it off with talcum powder and glue on the plexiglass mirror I purchased for it. I'm glad I decided to do a fleshy inside as opposed to keeping it a regular dark as it adds more spice to the box itself, not only that, it compliments the idea of the box being a sort of stylized replica of my head.

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UPDATE (02/03/2021) - I have installed the mirror onto the lid.

I will add some extra layers a bit layer to really stick the mirror into place as well as have a more natural looking relief at the bottom of the box. Thinking of smearing some latex on the sides of the mirror to make it appear more oval-esque to have it look like what it looks like looking out of the inside of my own body.

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The mirror will also be a functional tool to read one of the items in the box - a booklet which will be made up of sheets of latex face casts that will have eyes and nostrils open, making it possible to wear them on one's face. On the outside of it, I will write some of the thoughts I used to/still have when looking in the mirror. The text will be mirrored, so the only way to read it will be by holding the face up in front of a mirror (taking a picture of it and mirroring it is also possible but where's the fun in that?), that's where the mirror of the box comes in. If worn on the face, it should make for a rather unpleasant experience that is rather reminiscent of what it's like to be in my shoes - an uncomfortable weight on the face, words/thoughts echoing on the inside, touching your own face and hearing the sounds of your complexed skin. The way I want to go about making the booklet/faces is by making it in this order - worsening, getting better, worsening and getting better; I think having 13 casts would be more than enough, might have to reconsider the number if I decide it's too much.

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UPDATE (01/03/2021) - After creating some test masks using latex I figured I should make the booklet using paper mache that would be coated with latex as opposed to a full on latex cast. The latex facecasts are simply too floppy and hard to work with, additionally, they're not as flat as I had wished they would be. The casts I have already made won't go to waste though as I will use them to decorate the lid of the box by stretching 2-3 across.

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Another object I have considered including in the box is a small stuffed plush ball which would be made of old canvas fabric. The ball would have some facial feature reminiscent to those I possess. I will do my best to make it squishy and interactive for the purpose of making it seem like a stress ball, butting at the idea of correlation between this disorder and stress/anxiety. Growing up I didn't know about the existence of destressers, so my face was kind of the only thing I had to touch and pick at to release tension. I think including some objects you can detach or extract from it would do a great job at stimulating the sensation and possibly the satisfaction of removing something from a pore - it's addictive.

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UPDATE (01/03/2021) - In a tutorial, I was told that spelling out the word "Frankenstein" is not necessary as the aesthetic of the ball as well as how I plan to make it (and is sketched out in the book) hints at it being exactly that. I could use "Frankenstein" for another item that I was suggested to make - a drawstring bag with some paper strips with all the names that have stuck around in my mind to this point in time. Additionally, I was suggested to make some zines to go along with the artist book, one of which I have already created the foundation for during a zine workshop we had last week.

Here is the zine lineart I created for the deadline which was 13:00 of last Tuesday:

Initially I wanted to make a zine in the style of a horror manga, something like what Junji Ito is known to make, but after realizing how limited my time is till the deadline I had to reconsider that idea and instead went with a quick line-arty style which took less time but required an all nighter nonetheless.

The zine is a reflective piece of my own experiences with bathroom anxiety as well as a documentation of how the act of picking at my skin usually ensues. The title refers to turning on the light but also the switch that overcomes me whenever I pick up on an imperfection when touching my skin. I made the first few and the last few spreads be mirrored for the sake of allowing the zine to be connected from start to finish, making a sort of cycle which could be repeated by the time the zine is finished. I didn't have enough time to do better covers but I'm thinking of showcasing the door both on the front and back cover that would be the connection between the 2 points in hopes of creating an endless loop.

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The other objects I have not really figured out but I feel like there should be a third item to sort of make up a "trinity". So far with the objects I've commented on the addictive aspect, self-consciousness, self-image issues, the consequences of it, the sensations one who suffers from dermatillomania might have, the thoughts that come along with it, the subconsciousness of some of the habits, the physical damage and probably some other things I might not be aware of at the moment but will realize later on. I'm slightly worried that 2 items might not be enough, but also worried that 3 items might be overkill, which is why I really need that sweet tutorial for idea generation. I could just put in some handmade zines in it but I feel like it would not be as effective as a thoroughly thought-out object like the 2 I have come up with till this point. Will have to see..

Other post about progression!

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Lastly, some images from the bookbinding workshop we had 2 weeks back!

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That's all for this post, thank you for reading through if you have, as always, would love to hear feedback or anything like that. Will keep you noted if any changes are made. Stay tuned!